Test Results

I got my test results back from blood work done a couple weeks ago. 13 vials of blood. 10 different tests. Everything came back normal. Normal?!? If everything is normal, then why the HELL do I have three babies in heaven. Three babies that I never got to hear cry. And yet, even with this news, my OB will not monitor my cervix next time around. I'm sorry? You want me to have ANOTHER loss before you take my concerns seriously? I already had to wait for three losses to do the blood work, why would I need a fourth loss. I'm beyond upset. 

I'm upset because nothing is wrong with me. 

I'm upset because the only thing I can blame for my son's death is my body. My body that betrays.

I'm upset because the only other explanation is not getting any support from those who could help.

I'm upset because this does not make me want to try for another baby.

I'm upset because I'm just upset. 

And I'm scared. I'm scared that the same thing will happen again, and again, and again, and again... When do I say enough is enough? How much heartache am I supposed to take? I'm scared because there is nothing I can do to prevent this from happening again. If it was a clotting issue, I would end up on baby aspirin and lovenox. If it was a thyroid issue then I would take medication or have surgery to correct that. If it's a diabetic thing (I'm not diabetic) then I can take insulin. The fact is that there is no answer. We don't know if it was a cervix issue or not. That would have to be diagnosed during pregnancy. I guess my goal is to find a doctor who will take me seriously and not have me chance another loss before being proactive.